3. Be gracious. Small surprises can create huge
rewards in a relationship. I think of it as the "Martha Stewart
Effect". Taking a moment to put on a clean shirt before dinner, or
using the good china, or cutting a flower from the garden and
putting it on the table, are examples. All these things add color,
spice, and graciousness to our lives.
4. Be patient. We all have bad days. It happens.
When it happens to your spouse, be smart! Take the kids to the park
for an hour, order Chinese take-out for dinner. Give him/her a
break! This is the reality of life. Allow for it.
5. Be honest. Tell the truth about your feelings,
and do it promptly and in a respectful, effective way. Share your
disappointments and fears, but also share dreams, hopes, and
gratitudes. Keeping secrets kills passion.
6. Be funny! Life seems to have supply its own
stress and worry, but we have to provide the humor on our own. Share
a joke, take time to tickle each other or rent a funny movie, and do
it often. The couple that laughs together, often does other fun
stuff together, too!
7. Be flexible. Over a lifetime, people change.
Hopefully, your relationship will change and grow and mature with as
you change. One of you will change careers, the other will change
religions. One will have an illness, the other will make a mistake.
Relationships either bend and flex with the winds of life, or they
break.
8. Be generous. I’ve saved the best for last.
After a survey of dozens of couples, the big 3 items that showed up
over and over began with "give little gifts". Surprise each other
with flowers, candy, a card, or other gift. Do it often. Do it for
no particular reason. Do it because you love each other and thought
it would be nice to show it with a gift.
9. Be available. The second of the "big 3" was
"take time for each other". Schedule time to walk and talk, go for
drives in the country, go to dinner and see a movie together. Dozens
of couples ranked time together as the most critical component in
keeping romance and passion alive.
10. Be physical. This is about sensuality perhaps
more than sexuality. Couples talked about the importance of scents,
of candles and flowers and walks on the beach. They talked about
making love, but mostly they talked about back rubs and holding
hands, and creating memories. They talked about getting dressed up
and going out, and they talked about skinny-dipping. They talked
about being playful and finding their own way. You can do
this!
Someone has said, "Life is what happens while you
were making other plans." Romance is about real life, not about
dreams and fantasies of the perfect partner, someday on a Pacific
island. Romance and passion are about taking time to enjoy the
company of the person you love. Have fun. Do it today!
